2015-09-19

Star Trek: Bye-Bye, Losers

ST-v-SW.Net is proud to announce the whatevereth Star Trek series entitled "Star Trek: Bye-Bye Losers", scheduled to premiere on Kim-Jong Il's birthday next year.

Helmed by Jess Zimmerman of pseudo-journalism and Butthead-haircut fame, this prequel series will look at the darker currents of the Star Trek mythos.  For a long while Star Trek has focused on the military expansionism of the Federation via armed warship "exploration" and its insidious Prime Directive by which it allows cultures to slowly develop their worlds for Federation assimilation as new consumers.

Now, Jess Zimmerman's insightful ripped-from-the-headlines vision of the future in which we learn that evil rich people are currently building rockets as part of their plot to escape the Earth they have warmed and polluted will turn Star Trek on its head.  

Gone are the days of boldly going ... instead we will see the truth in which your favorite captains are mere lackeys for their mega-rich corporate overlords.  Like the acclaimed series "Caprica", now in its seventh season, we will see evil rich people in a futuristic soap opera.  This time, megarich settlers on as-yet-undefiled Alpha Centauri, from their evil base in Galt's Gulch, seek to exploit new resources from space, new consumers found via first contacts, and each other.  And through it all, the threat of liberation of the down-trodden workers by the heroic Borg Collective will keep the show's anti-protagonists on their toes.

Trekkies are already ecstatic, noting "it'll be better written than Star Trek: Renegades".  Critics are also applauding the top-shelf casting including Tori Spelling, and the inclusion of science advisor Neil deGrasse Tyson.  Tyson has endeared himself to many fans despite his claim that the character Ben Sisko of DS9 wasn't a real captain because his primary command was a space station and not a ship.  Tyson defended against the controversy by noting that with Sisko's station being a fleet headquarters during the Dominion War, he had failed to "clear the neighborhood" in the Bajor system of other captains.  Such issues are not expected to crop up during Bye-Bye Losers.

Support for the new show is spread wider than Trekkies and critics.  Socialist presidential candidate Bernie Sanders and new UK Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn even issued a joint statement on plate silver with gold ink applauding the new series, exclaiming "We have long endured a Star Trek sullied by insufferable visions of different races, cultures, and classes working together in freedom and harmony under the boot of a Western Civilization worldview, striving hand in hand toward a future full of liberty and justice for all individuals.  At last we can have a proper science fiction series where the Borg are rightly regarded as heroes."  They heaped specific praise on the show's representation of Earth as literally being so hot everything was on fire, with the citizens remaining living under a Soviet-ized Sharia law.  "If they could just cool it down, it would be paradise," noted the pair, "though I hope they have a story of finding Osama bin Laden after his tragic assassination," pondered Corwyn.

Presidential candidates Ben Carson and Donald Trump have also weighed in, with the latter rather missing the point by noting that "this show is a hyuge success in showing America winning in space in a future where vaccines are no longer causing autism."  He also applauded the futuristic physics-defying hairstyles.  Meanwhile, Carson seemed hopeful about the show but asked why the Borg had to be fought and couldn't just be talked to and reasoned with.  Russian leader Vladimir Putin laughed heartily at this comment before beating Carson slowly to death with a whiffle bat as Carson weakly protested. 

Brannon Braga (Star Trek: Voyager, Some Dumb Show), Chuck Wendig (Star Wars: Cosmic Comet), Larry Nemecek (Communist Twitter Rants), and Robert Orci (Star Trek: 9/11 Was An Inside Job) are writing the first season now.  Technical consultants Mike Okuda and The View's Michelle Collins will ensure that the show stays technically consistent with the Star Trek mythos, leftist thought, and medical accuracy. 

Stay tuned in 2016!

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